Dan Replies:
Dear R.M.: I'm a little bit stunned to get an Email from an 11 year old player who "gets in a lot of fights". I didn't get into my first fight until I was forced to defend myself in my last game as a Junior in Canada and I never fought in college. So that's one scuffle until I was 23. And I'll tell you why I didn't fight. My Dad told my brothers and I that if we ever fought, we wouldn't make it to the penalty box. He'd come over the boards and personally escort us home and that would be the last organized hockey we'd play for the rest of the year and maybe forever. And I believe that he not only meant it, but would have done it in a heart beat. Can you imagine the embarrassment of having to leave your jersey on the ice (because you won't be needing it any more) as you're being hauled out of the game by your father and taken home in the middle of a game?
He taught us not to fight because he wanted us to grow up to be gentlemen and to learn to settle our differences by debate, not by violence. So I wonder where your parents are that they continue to support you when you display that kind of behavior?
There are several reasons why there should be no tolerance for fighting in youth hockey. Perhaps the most important is that the only reason to play youth sports is to learn life lessons and to have fun. The life lesson you're learning - that violence is the way to retaliate, settle scores, or set things straight - is counter or against everything youth sports is about. And the kid you're beating on isn't having any fun and from the tone of your Email, neither are you.
Another reason to stop fighting - if the adults around you are not stopping you - is if you aspire to play in the NHL - a fighter has the least chance of making it of anyone. The chances of an American born player to make it to the NHL is about 1 for every 4,000 kids in minor hockey. Because there is typically only one fighter on a team, the odds are reduced to 1 in 80,000. And further, the route to the NHL for American born players like yourself is through college. I guarantee that no college coach is going to scout you because you're a fighter - because you can't fight in college - there's no 5 minute major for fighting, it's a game misconduct and with your third fight you're out for the season.
There's even a better reason to stop fighting - if the adults around you are not stopping you. It's not the way civilized people in an organized society behave and if you don't control yourself, you'll find society will do it for you. If you question that, listen to your evening news and you'll hear about a hockey father who thought fighting was the way to settle things and killed another hockey father in the process. No one thinks that man is a hero or would want to be in his shoes.
Frankly, I'm happy to be in my own shoes and I think people should live their lives so they can be happy to be in their own shoes. You're only 11. If the adults around you don't stop you, go to your school counselor and get professional help. Fighting is not what hockey is about, it isn't what having fun is about, it isn't what being a boy of 11 is about, and it's not what being an adult is about. Get some help before you find yourself in shoes you don't want to walk in.
I hope you do.
