Dan Replies:
Dear A.M. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can tell you how my father made decisions like the one you're agonizing over. First, he would have weighed how important the family get-together was. For us Christmas was a very big deal, not only for its religious significance, but because of importance we placed on extended family relationships. He would have said that Christmas is the most important Holiday Day of the year and the significance of a child's pastime pales by comparison. But if Christmas in your family tradition is a holiday without a great deal of significance and the family get together is a take it or leave it affair, you will see it differently than my father did and the child's hockey game may be more important.
He would have also considered the role the child played in the game. If it were my goalie brother's game and no substitute goalie could be found, that would weigh more in his decision than if the son playing was one of 12 forwards or seven defensemen. He would also have considered the importance of the game. Was this the state finals?
He would have also considered if the game was scheduled before or after the date for the Christmas party was set. He held very little truck with last minute scheduling of games, especially around the holidays. And was it one game in a season of 20 or 60.
You can probably tell that there was an equal chance of a blizzard in May than my playing hockey instead of going to the family celebration. For my father it was more important for me to be in church on your average Sunday morning than at the ice rink!
While my father's standards worked for him, they may not work for you and you may well have different standards. It comes down to your family's values. What do you see as more important to the well-being of the child and your family - the participation in this game or in the extended family celebration of this holiday? Does the child expect his relatives to come the days that are important to him (his graduation, confirmation, for example) if he doesn't come to the days that are important to them? How do you value family ties and the interaction of different generations?
I'm often asked questions like this and I find it useful to remember what your aspirations for the child was when he was born. At that time, what did you hope for the child for Christmas... a hockey game or a Norman Rockwell painting of a family holiday celebration. You see, I don't think this is a hockey decision, it's a family value decision.
One last note: I am today who I am more because of the decisions my parents made for my well-being than the ones they made for my hockey.
