Ask Dan Question & Answer

(An index of subjects covered on the Q & A page of the web site,

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 Index of Subjects page)

Question #83:
Dan: I play on Mite team and we just lost a tournament. One of our players told our goalie that we would have won if it were not for our goalies. What do you do about players with bad attitudes like that? C.R.

Dan Replies:
Dear C.R.: My father has a saying that comes to mind: "Everyone has a purpose in life, even if only to serve as a bad example." People often say things in the frustration of a disappointment they wouldn't say on thoughtful reflection. I am sure that as the inconsiderate player who made that inappropriate remark grows and matures, he will come to realize that there are six players on the ice when a goal is scored and everyone gets a minus on his plus/minus stats just as everyone gets a plus when they are on the ice when their team scores.

There is another saying, "Victory has a thousand fathers, Defeat is an orphan." That means that everyone is ready to take credit for a win, no one wants to take responsibility for a loss. That's unfortunate because a loss gives you an opportunity a win doesn't. It's the chance to evaluate and ask, "What mistakes did I make that need correcting," or "What could I have done better". Winners rarely ask those questions.

Believe me when I tell you that you will grow as a person and become a better player if you have the ability to take responsibility for your mistakes and learn from them and give other people credit for your successes. As you have learned, to blame someone for a team loss is hurtful. It's also shortsighted and not helpful to your becoming a better player and person.

I'm not sure there's anything you can do in this situation but be a good example and hope you can lead by that example. I would also say a kind word to the goalies. Sounds like they could use a friend.

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